Feeling like a failure at work

My manager is very upset and feels that I’ve been rude/coarse in our communications. I was frustrated about something that happened the other day, and she took it a bit personally, but then she pointed out that my emails “make her feel like she’s walking on eggshells.” I did express concerns about our communication and how I constantly have to re-send her things, or repeat myself, and I need her to communicate with me more in general…but I feel everything else I sent has been normal. She’s usually so nice to everyone else, but she walked up to my desk very angry a couple days ago and was rather aggressive with her response. I was in tears (not in front of her, after the fact) because I don’t know why I’m being treated like that. She’s kind of reactive when stressed, and I feel like her stress stresses me out. In general, I noticed she is defensive if I disagree with her about anything. Again, she’s not like this with other people who have worked there for years. The other day, she refused to honor one of my accommodations. I am now having to talk to our HR director this week about it. I love my job and colleagues, but I’ve been feeling really down and self-critical. Gave her a packet with my specific adhd symptoms to help her see just how much the condition impacts me, because she seems to have very high expectations of what I should do. Not really sure how to keep advocating for myself and being positive when nothing I do is right for her 😣.