issues in relationship with spouse or S/O?

YES! I have adhd and my husband doesn't believe it's real. He thinks it's an excuse to be lazy and that I only use it as a way of not having to be held accountable. This has caused so many problems in our marriage to the point that there really is no marriage, we just live together. Things my husband has told me... You're lazy You're unmotivated You're disorganized You have no time management skills You must like living in a dump Why can't you be like my friends wife? You never finish what you start. You're selfish ( because I'll spend time on a hyperfocus instead of cleaning) You don't know how to prioritize You're horrible with money Before my dx I used to get frustrated trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I tried so hard to be better. Ultimately failing everytime and get insulted everytime. Then it started to turn to resentment and got worse from there. I used to apologize for my faults, then I just started arguing back and it would turn into a fight. I finally got my dx and explained to my husband. That's when he told me he didn't believe in adhd. The thing that hurts the most is when I ( honestly) tell him I'm going to do the laundry ( or any task) today, and he says that he knows I won't do anything more then put 1 load in the washer and leave it there for a week. He tells me ill fail every time because I've always failed. I'm mad because I'm looking for support and encouragement but I get motivation killing put downs. But then I start to doubt myself because he's right. I have always failed before. When I got my dx I was so happy. I finally had an answer to what was wrong with me. So when he says these things I just start feeling bad like I did before my dx and doubt myself. I horrible when your spouse, your best friend, doesn't support you when they should be encouraging. So this has destroyed my marriage. It can't be fixed but I just agree with him now to limit the fights, but inside, I've learned to be my own cheer leader and found other supporting friends. The best thing I did was hire an adhd life coach. I find success is much more than medication. My coach has helped me recognize my patterns and helped me make lasting changes. You're not alone.

Yessss.

My wife and I are flipped from this. I’m super ADHD, and she’s incredibly type A. We’ve been married for 22 years as well. She cannot understand my struggles (or our daughter’s who is also ADHD), and she tries to “accept”, and to her credit, she does well most of the time, but there have been long stretches of time where we have been at odds. I keep trying to explain to her that it’s a disorder, and it’s like being upset with someone with casts on both their legs not being able to run as fast and keep up with them. There are still times where she can only see me as “lazy” or “unmotivated” or “If you cared enough, you’d do it”. It’s hard. Hang in there if you both want, my wife have been lucky enough to. But I’ve given up hope that she’ll understand me, and that’s hard, but it doesn’t diminish my love for her.

I’ve been through this with my husband too. I suspect we both have adhd and nothing in the house gets done for months. That, combined with my lack of attention which manifested into forgetting to give him what he needs, led to a lot of resentment until fairly recently. We’re both trying to understand adhd more and trying to find hacks so that we can stay on top of things and I can be more ‘in the moment’ but it’s very hard, especially when work stress and other pressures creep in.