Does anyone have the problem of keeping friends? Lately I’ve been super bad at keeping my plans with play friends to where I’m pretty sure I have zero friends now. I can make the plans , but like day of I don’t feel like going or forget and over plan my whole day. Anyone else struggle with this or am I just a crappy friend?
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I feel this one so bad, I get really depressed around my birthday because I don’t have any friends to celebrate with, because I have such a hard time maintaining relationships. I can barely attend family gathering, medical appointments, give my partner time and attention, whilst raising a young child and working two jobs, how am I going to have time for friends. I’m also horrible at replying to texts because I forget to and I don’t know what to say on the phone, so basically I get you and I wish I had some tips but I’m struggling just the same.
I do make friends easily but then am too tired to organize sth. But also: all my best and closest friends have ADHD which is awesome because we understand each other but awful because we are unable to organize something/ or are easily burnt out because of masking all day or because we took on tooo many projects *again*
I have a very few long-term friends but rarely connect with them. I’m cut off from many of my family members, as well. I struggle with making plans for myself let alone with others. Honestly, I don’t know how those with ADHD doing TikTok and regularly uploading on Instagram do it. The few friends I have know I have ADHD and try to understand. I let them do the planning. If there is something I can bring to the table that is more in line with my strengths, that is what I do.
It's not just you. You're definitely not a bad friend. I rarely make plans with anyone now because I never know how I'll feel on the day of said plans. Most catchups I have now are very last minute. It's what works for me and I just let people know that. True friends will accept that most of the time. Although I do try and compromise sometimes.
Yes same problem. 43 and, after cutting off all narcissitic family and friends 2 years ago, I have almost no one left in my life. I was left behind in everything and feel to old to make any deep connection with anyone around me now because everyone else has their family and friends already.
You are feeling bad about it so you are obviously not a crappy friend, but you may need some organizational help, for remembering events, and a way to motivate yourself on the day of. I do struggle with these things. I have found having and using a calendar app (I use Calendars by Readdle because it color codes and putting in events is super easy, and I can see all my events at the month view and it just looks pretty) really really helps. If I rely on my memory, I’m screwed. Looking at my calendar every morning is a great habit (you can also set it to remind you of things coming up) and so the forgetting part is a lot better now. But the motivation to do social things, well you’re seeing the consequences of not actually going. You may have to remind yourself when the time comes, that you have to put in the face time in order to maintain friendships. Explaining your struggles to your friends (I don’t think they have written you off but you might owe them explanation/ apologies, this is not elementary school where friendship is over as soon as you do something wrong) explaining, not to have to excuses, but so that they understand how your brain works, and maybe letting them know that in future you’ll have a plan for keeping appointments, I think might help
Yes. Maybe my struggle is different but for me I can’t make new friends since I never feel like hanging out. When I am hanging out with people it could be a good time but almost would always rather do something else alone. Thankfully for me I have a couple close friends that I don’t think I could lose and they will force me to hangout with them sometimes which keeps us from losing our friendship. I really need to learn to maximize my alone time so I can make time to hangout with my close friends so that I can have at least a sliver of time for making new friends or connecting with more minor friendships I have.