Questioning stimulants

Thanks for your reply!! I think I am on a good dosage. Not too high, and I've tried other medications before which didn't work. It's not so much a real perceived suppression of my personality, but the fact that I know that I'm changing the way my brain works. Even if it is helping by making my executive functioning more like that of a neurotypical person, I think the issue is, at its roots, society, that forces us to need medication in the first place. I'm not against medicine per se, and I'm fine with medicating my depression and anxiety, because those are mental health issues, while my ADHD and autistic traits aren't. That said, I'm in a position in my life where I'm not willing to quit taking stimulants, and I will keep taking them for the foreseeable future.

It’s the „I‘m still not ready to cut myself from society to highlight the unfairness of our situation“ for me - thanks for that, @emmB@! My decision to try meds was always rather a pragmatic or maybe selfish one. I‘m self-employed, I can need some support the meds provide, and I can need all help possible to keep my energy and do my best in life. It would be nice to have another society with better conditions for neurospicy brains but I can use meds and work on that society where I can at the same time.

Hello ! I agree with everything chalussy and zsofia wrote. Here is for my contribution. First of all, I’m not a huge fan of meds in general. And also, I too think that society is dysfunctional and doesn’t treat individuals well - be they neurotypical or not, but especially when they’re not. That being said, there are a couple of things that make me be ok with taking my meds. First, though you’re right ADHD isn’t an illness, it still is a disorder : I think it fruitful to see the bigger picture here. Second, what you wrote made think about the broader issue of health : what is health ? What does being healthy means ? What about medical advances : in what way do they help us, and in what way do they shape us into a certain form of humankind ? If we stick to treatments that don’t modify our bodily functions, then we won’t even take completely natural plant infusions… That would also mean that I wouldn’t have had my 2 C-sections and that my babies would probably be dead (NO elective C-sections here). So, to my way of thinking, where we draw the line is a very personal question, because it’s a choice coming from our own values, and that has been shaped through our personal experiences : what one ingests / accepts as surgical procedure or not is one’s prerogative. For me, clearly my well-being is the key factor, and again, another question arises (sorry, love questions !! I’m a middle school teacher and the socratic method is a way of life for me 😅) : what defines my well-being ? To me, it’s when I feel well / at ease, and when I feel myself. And when I feel myself with others… I must say, for me, right now, it implies taking Ritaline. Because just like you said, « society forces us to need medication », but I’m still not ready to cut myself from society to highlight the unfairness of our situation… BUT : that doesn’t mean it’s the same for you… I‘ve been taking medication since february - I’m very new to this, so I may change my mind over time (didn’t take any before because I wasn’t diagnosed). I for one can’t help but be thankful for what it enables me to do. I feel like I’m reconnecting with my deeper self, like I had not been able to since being a student I think - entering the work market and becoming a mom really hit my ADHDer brain hard !… I feel really lighter, and I act less reserved around people - just like I did when I was living my best life at the beginning of my university days. I feel like I can live a fuller life - and that also means being able to do a whole lotta freakish ADHDer things besides what we French call « métro, boulot, dodo » (ie boring daily routine) : deep-diving into Jane Austen Fan Fiction, getting my ancient greek vibes back, going to art exhibitions and attending lectures, etc. while still having time for my family life. So for me, the medication brings a very clear benefit, because it helps me be myself and do the things I want to, and all of that without being completely overwhelmed and feeling like sh*t all the time… A last thought : I feel that I can « serve the cause » (for acceptance of ADHDers, persons with autism, and really all kinds of « differences ») better if I am on Ritaline : otherwise, I reallly don’t have the energy… I hope my message will help you, whether by asking yourself some questions or finding your own answers and your own balance, in order to be at peace with taking or not taking your meds. Maybe you could also try quitting meds for a time when you’re in a new position in life, and the idea of that project, while not being for right now, could still uplift you a bit in the interim ?… I mostly feel that you should be gentle with yourself… (that’s the only « should » I feel ok writing 😊) Take care !

Completely agree. And I also need to say that medication is a tool to be used when there's real loss in functioning and suffering. That can be from our society structure, yes. But it also could...not...some problems would exist in new ways. That being said: for me medication allowed me to know an aspect of myself that I have never known before. I know I'm an intelligent person, but didn't really feel like it. Under medication I actually felt that, cause I didnt made silly mistakes from my lack of focus. If anything, antidepressants make me feel a little like that, because I feel some anedomnia (?), like no steong emotions. I cant cry anymore and I use to cry A LOT. It bothers me sometimes, bacause I was more sensitive and enotional. But now I also know a side of myself that's actually practical, assertive and clear minded. I've learnt that my huge sensitiveness came from too much anxiety and being to tense and emotionaly hyperactive all the time. I'm now usually more focused, more rational and way more assertive. I don't think medication changed my personality...maybe my personality (or the idea I had of myself) was built in a lot of suffering that felt normal, cause I didn't know any other way of being. After medications (and lots of therapy), I believe that now I can actually get to know other aspects of myself. Things I can do and be, besides what I've always been. Nothing can really change who we are (except maybe brain injury), but we evolve and change all the time, with every single experience. I think of meds like just one of those experiences... Just for thought: sometimes we change all of our interests, looks ans stuff for a partner, or a job or after a dificult life experience and that's usually considered OK. Do as you feel comfortable, of course, but maybe you can think of meds like what they are: just a tool. It won't define you, but it may contribute to your life.

Very well said! Thank you for sharing!

Very insightful, thank you! And I agree with your reasoning.