
I sick of trying to get along with school. I am sick of this shit.
I have physics exam tomorrow and I didn’t study until now. It is nearly 11 pm and I have to study for seven hours at least. I had wanted to study for exams but I am no more than a failure. I am acting like I don’t stress about anything because I have to make myself calm and I procrastinated so hard I don’t have hope for me anymore. I always believed in myself but it only makes me so stolid and I realized that I am overestimating myself. No one in my life doesn’t try to help me and I need some support right now when time is like this. I need somebody to tell me “Everything is going to be okay.” or “You are doing enough and you will get through this.” kinda things. I don’t even want to study but I am also not a person who isn’t care about academy. I wanted to do my best but I am not even doing %20 of what I am capable of and it makes me feel so… dumb. I know I can but I can’t at the same time. I am stuck in this shitty phase even I thought that I healed but apparently I am not. I am loathing the education system and the governments and patriarchy and everything that includes woman and man relationships. They’re all unnatural and stilted. Anyway. I have to be gojo tonight.
