AuDHD parenting question

My kiddo is 10 and she has both autism and ADHD, when she has outbursts at school, our family therapist says that things at school should stay at school, she’s at a behavioral private school so they teach all about these things their. When I think of an overstimulated big feelings that I don’t know how to deal with outburst, I think stomping, refusal to do work etc. BUT she has started giving the middle finger and calling everyone the B word. She tells me that she’s “growing up moody and that’s normal” I feel like those are choices, that should have electronics taken away afterschool. Parents and caregivers, Thoughts?