Emotions about other people who did you wrong

Hello

I have a problem with anger as well in these situations. But if I manage to stay calm I also avoid any confrontation as well which makes me hate myself for being weak. I feel like a doormat and that’s not who I am or want to be. I guess it’s the difference between being assertive or being aggressive.

I feel the same way. In those situations, I tend to tell the person that I need some alone-time, because I know I can not talk about it when feeling like this. Like you, I don’t hurt people, but I tend to shut down completely. I just stop talking, don’t say a word, which is so NOT me. But inside I’m exploding. When alone, I then also tend to throw things, sometimes cry, scream in a pillow… i feel like I need to wait for it to pass naturally cause I can’t control this feeling, which I hate. Leaving the situation has helped me, taking a walk. But don’t leave without saying anything, I feel like it’s the best to say you need some time to calm down and think about, and you don’t want to say anything stupid, so you prefer to be alone, calm down. And propose to have a conversation later! :) Really, going outside changes your perspective, the air helps and your surroundings distract you! Also, like others said, writing helps!! Just for structuring your thoughts. Sometimes, when I feel to angry to write, I just record like a voicenote on my phone which is really just to get it all out! Helps me a lot to calm down and start to move on or prepare for a conversation :) Sorry this message is so long but I feel like it’s an intense topic!

You’re definitely not alone! I relate and my challenge used to be expressing the anger as well. I actually just recognised I felt anger as an generally emotion, in corporal therapy, (Core Energetics), when I was 22 years old! Since then I’ve relearned how to cry (instead of swallowing it), do the pillow punching. Also to just talk with the person which whom I was upset, after calming down and elaborating what I wanted to express - just in my head or writing anywhere with quicker reach, without pressure of journaling, simply to put it out and have an structured bullet point for the difficult conversation later. Learning about non Violent Communication helps me a lot.

Here’s my suggestions and what I do. Hope this helps :) Avoid that person, leave the situation as soon as possible, think rationally/logically about what was done or said once calmer and clear headed, journal it so you’re letting the feelings out and depending on the relationship with the person, talk openly to them about it. I’ve also done CBT so I work through it in my head using that process

I understand you! I think it's important to let the other person know they have overstepped a boundary / done something wrong. I know it's hard and scary to do that and I myself am learning that still.. But the resentment and anger comes from there. I would take several deep breaths and tell how it makes me feel and what's wrong. Sometimes ppl don't even know that they have overstepped a boundary. If saying that to their face is too much, you can always write a letter. Digital or on paper. You don't have to keep that to yourself! But do express your pain with the other person in calm and logical manner. That's why I often pause and take a breath, go for a walk after I respond to something that gets me angry. Doing something physically will help to release the tension. Dance or do jumping jacks if nothing else..😅

I tend to write in a journal when I start getting that way. I had someone suggest to me that punching a pillow might be good too.